The adopting wait is tough in general, but in our experience it’s been quite a bit different before the match and after. The match changes everything! Once you’ve seen that little face it’s difficult to think of anything else all day, every day.
I’ve gotten so many well meaning DMs asking, “why is it taking so long”. I get it, it’s a long wait. Of course, everything that takes place during these months is absolutely necessary and important and cannot be skipped. As much as I would love to fly to China tomorrow, I also so deeply appreciate the privilege we have to immigrate our children to the US on the front end of our travels. That means when we arrive home they are citizens and we don’t have loads of paperwork to complete and we can instead focus on bonding in those first few weeks and months. To me, that makes our wait more than worth it.
Still, it can be tough. Especially in this current stage we are in when we aren’t sure exactly when we’ll travel so we can’t begin to make plans yet.
There are days when Nova seems so aware of what a sister means and that it’s really happening. And other times she asks us bizarre questions that let us know that little sister won’t be real to her until we are physically together.
And, of course, seeing our little gal grow up a little more with each update isn’t easy. Babies change so much in just a few months.
How I usually respond to people is the truth, “It’s so tough, but it’s worth it“. It really is that simple. It’s totally worth it!
Back to the point of this post- how we’re surviving.
Some things that helped last time that are helping again this time…
-staying extra busy (which is easy since I know I’m taking leave from work and I want to leave everything in a really good place, which means extra work now)
-decorating the nursery (always helps)
-decorating in general (funny enough I was decorating an airbnb space during both waits for our girls)
-Konmari-ing our home aka nesting (did some CRAZY donating last week- felt so good)
-Prepping kiddo stuff. Diapers, strollers, car seats.
-Packing. I haven’t started yet, but I started the list- it’s a whole thing. You can’t pack the night before for a two week trip with two children.
-Doing things I know I’ll miss. Before you adopted Nova we went on so many dates. We knew our life would be drastically changing and we were right. This time it doesn’t feel like AS big of a change, but there are still so many things that are really easy right now that we don’t know how it will be with two kiddos. So we’re taking one last trip together as three next week and planning to soak in every moment. We’re also trying to do a few extra date nights right now because it took over a whole year for us to get to the point of being able to leave Nova with a sitter- so who knows how long it will be until we get those date nights. Also we’re enjoying sleeping through the night…. just in case.
New things I’m trying this time….
-Spending extra time with Nova- soaking it in.
-Pre-planning maternity leave activities. We planned nothing the first time around and wow- those days are long. So to ease my feelings of impatience I’m jotting down fun activities we can do as a family of four during those first few weeks at home. I’m saving some restaurants we’ve never tried (casual ones, don’t be crazy) and brainstorming activities we can do at home that I can prep for in advance.
But honestly, the biggest thing that helps us cope this time around, is this little girl. You can’t wish away a single moment of your last months as a family of three.
That face. Love you Nova. We think she’s going to be an incredible big sister.