Hello! We are 20 days (and counting down!) from our trip to China to adopt little sister. Our family is absolutely thrilled and it’s starting to feel VERY real. After about five months of waiting since we were matched we are so happy to have our travel dates confirmed and we even know what day we will meet Marigold and what day the adoption will become official! (I love planning- can you tell?)
I love to share our adoption journey with you for two reasons. 1. To expose people to adoption who might not have had much experience. I’ve shared before that the bad adoption stories get shared more than the amazing ones- for that reason we love to be open about our story. Though it’s definitely a challenging experience- it’s also the most joyous season of our lives. 2. To leave little stories online for families who adopt in the future. When we were waiting to adopt Nova I found so much comfort in reading other families stories. We were even inspired to look into adoption initially from another families story.
First, a little general background. This is an adoption trip, so we will meet and officially adopt our new daughter during our first week in China and bring her home with us after about two weeks. Our agency,Holt International, does most of the planning for our trip. For the most part, we follow the schedule they have created for us. We are going a couple days early to do sightseeing with Nova, then we will travel to the province where our daughter is living (she is living in an orphanage currently). The meetings usually take place in a government office. When we meet her we will also get to meet a representative or two from her orphanage and ask them any questions we have (we will take a list of questions since we’ll be nervous and our brains might blank out). After that we take her back to our hotel for nap time and we will be together from that point on. Different programs may do it differently, but in China the day you meet your child is typically the day you take over their care full-time. The next day we go back to the office together to have our adoption finalized and receive official documents.
A few days later we will travel together to Guangzhou, where all adoptive families go to get their adoptee’s visa so they can travel to the US. This was our favorite part of the trip last time because we were able to be around a lot of other families who were also adopting (and the parks in Guangzhou are too cute!). The days are split between pre-set appointments (like a medical exam or a visa appointment), meetings with our agency team and days off where we have free time we can use to do more sight seeing, hang out in our hotel or spend time with other families. Then we will travel home as a family of four. When we land in the US our daughter will become a US citizen (!!!!).
Here are a few questions we received via Instagram.
Q: Is Nova traveling with you.
A: Yes. We want Nova to be a part of the entire experience- even the challenging parts. She will go with us when we meet her sister. We’ve prepared her the best we can for her age, mostly by telling her stories of how scared she was when we first met her. She seems to have a good understanding of it (again- for her age). We’re so glad she is coming with us!
My sister is coming for the first half of our trip as well. She will be with us when we meet Marigold and several days after- so we’re grateful to have a little extra support and help with Nova. She isn’t coming just to babysit Nova though (we are not that worried about Nova)- she’s joining us because she wants to be a part of our adoption experience.
Q: Are you going to the same province where Nova is from?
A: No. We are going to a different province to adopt Marigold. We’ll share once we are there and our adoption is finalized.
A lot of people also asked if Nova and little sister are biological siblings. That is nearly impossible since they come from different provinces, but I can see why people ask.
Q: What are you doing for the days you are in China before you meet Marigold?
A: When we arrive in China we will spend two full days in Beijing. We have a close friend who lives there who has been helping us to plan a good mix of things to do together. We are going to visit The Great Wall this time (we chose not to on our last trip because it was winter and we knew we would be back). We’re also going to do some antique shopping, sight seeing, paddle boats, street food- little things like that. And we’ll definitely do a traditional duck dinner in Beijing- that was one of our favorite memories from our last trip. We are also planning to visit Morning star foster home, which we are so looking forward to!
Q: How long are you staying in China?
A: A little over two weeks. We spend a few days in Beijing, about a week in the province where our daughter is and then about a week in Guangzhou while her Visa is prepared.
Q: Are you nervous for how Nova will react?
A: Yes and not really. Of course we’re always nervous to take Nova out of her routine. Even going to Missouri can be tough at her age because she thrives on routines. At the same time we feel totally prepared and Nova is as prepared as she can be. We think she will do great! She’s generally a good traveler and we expect some bumps along the way. Our attitude is- “no matter what happens it will be worth it”.
Q: Are you expecting Marigold to cling to Jeremy like Nova did?
A: Honestly- yes just because that’s the experience we had last time. That said, we’re trying to go into it with no expectations and just make the best of whatever the situation is once we are together. Going into into it this time we are much more confident and we know now how QUICKLY those first few weeks and months pass by. We’re expecting it to be rough at times. We’re also hopeful that having Nova with us will be a big comfort to Marigold.
Every adoption is different- so we’re expecting the unexpected.
The family day is beautiful, but it’s also super painful! I want people to know that that is normal. Your child has to leave everything they know- every comfort they have in this world and go with strangers. Just because you see an orphanage as “sad” or a family as “better” does not mean a child sees it that way. It’s so important to try to see it from their perspective. Both our daughters were at their orphanages from the time they were infants- for that time in their lives that IS their home. They are leaving their home to come with us. I think it’s so important to realize that their life does NOT begin when they meet us.
When you look at it from that perspective, you realize it’s not personal that they are hurt, scared or angry. It’s actually really healthy. Our job is to be safe and steady and honestly- a huge part of our job is to give them time.
Some transitions are easier than others. We just want to be focused on making a safe, happy space for our new daughter to come to. It’s not about us or how we feel.
Q: Will you share what you are packing for Nova and Marigold?
A: Lots of snacks, toys, games, stickers, and we’ll get more when we’re in China. I’ll do a post about what worked well for us after we are home. We definitely have zero shame in letting Nova have unlimited iPad time on airplanes.
Q: Does Nova remember anything about China or her own adoption?
A: Short answer- no. Nova was two and a half when we adopted her. She doesn’t remember a time when she wasn’t with us. Everything she knows about adoption is what we’ve taught her and photos and videos we’ve shown her. We’re happy she will get to see Marigold’s adoption and hopeful that at four year old she may remember some of this trip.
That said, does she have memories deep inside that she can’t express yet- maybe. Will this experience trigger her and bring up past trauma- maybe. We don’t know. All we know is there are a lot of positive reasons why we want to bring her on this trip and it’s the right choice for our family.
Q: Are you going to make an adoption video?
A: 100% yes. Like last time we’re planning to just share highlights while we are traveling, but otherwise I just want to be in the moment.
I don’t think it’s healthy or really even possible to tell the “full” story in the moment, at least not for me. After we are home and have had a chance to recover and unpack our feelings we will write an adoption story her and edit together whatever footage we get for a video.
See Nova’s adoption video here and our video of one year together here.
Q: How will this trip be different from your last trip?
A: So far it feels VERY different. Our emotional experience has been so different since this match happened super quickly. When we were waiting for Nova (for over a year) I would cry in my car several time a week. This time it’s only been happy tears. SO different.
And Marigold is a whole year younger than Nova was when we adopted her. I am still in shock over this. So we’re preparing for a different age and a different set of needs (thank you to all my friends who have answered my hundreds of questions).
So far nothing has happened the way we expected and for the most part it’s been easier than our first adoption. I’m curious how the trip will go.
Schedule wise our trip is very similar to our last one. We’re just doing and extra day in Beijing. But since it’s a totally different scenario, I have a feeling our experience will be pretty different. With Nova we spent a LOT of time in our hotel rooms. I’m hopeful we’ll be able to get outdoors more and explore together.
Q: What are you packing that you didn’t pack last time?
A: Just a few practical things like a double stroller. A few personal comforts like an essential oil diffuser for our hotel room (laugh if you want, but this is hugely comforting to me!), more pjs and lounge type clothing. I think I will bring an SLR camera and my vlogging camera this time too- last time I only brought my phone.
Q: What kinds of outings will you do in China with Marigold?
A: For both provinces/hotels we are staying in we will make a big list of things we can walk to or take a taxi to. Parks, shops, any unique food (dim sum restaurants are our favorite in China). And we’ll definitely go swimming as much as we can (Nova loves swimming and we’re using some valuable suitcase space for her little life jacket). Last time we had so much fun just taking walks with a stroller.
We don’t consider an adoption trip a vacation (besides the two days at the beginning) but we will try to squeeze in as many fun memories as we can. I remember after we got home last time someone asked me to post a travel guide of Guangzhou… and I had to be like- “we honestly stayed within three blocks of our hotel the entire time”. That’s just kind of the nature of the trip. I do feel like we get to experience China, but not in the same way a tourist would. It makes me feel less pressure to think of it that way- we can always go on a tourist vacation to China with our girls in the future.
Q: Does Nova understand adoption?
A: For her age she understands it really well. We talk about it a lot. It’s very normal to her. We’re so glad we started having these conversations at an early age. It’s much easier than waiting (for all of us, I think).
We are hopeful this trip will give her more understanding of her history and some memories of China.
Q: Will Nova be able to speak Chinese with Marigold?
A: Nova is not fluent in Mandarin, but she can definitely speak at Marigold’s age level so I guess- yes. We’re still working on it with her. A lot of the phrases and words Nova knows are family labels, colors and basic stuff like that. We’re not updated on how much little sister is currently speaking. We do want our girls to learn some mandarin as they grow up.
Q: What are you most nervous about?
A: Probably the plane ride home since it’s really long. I wish all the adoption families could take a private plane together- haha. It’s difficult to be mixed in with people who don’t get what you are going though. Our last trip home was a little tough. Nova was actually really good- she barely cried. But she was still a normal toddler, pretty active and load at times. There was a man in front of us who seemed to think she might stop if he turned around and glared at us enough. (BOOOO!)
It’s all good though! No matter what happens or how tough it is it’s just one day in life and life goes on the following day. I’m gonna pack as many little distractions for them as I can and then choose not to stress too much. It’s totally worth it!
Q: That’s so great that your sister is going. How did you decide to do that?
A: It’s fairly common for other family members (or friends) to join adoption trips to help support the family. We floated the idea to Emma a while back. I knew she could handle it because she’s the kind of person who will just leave and go in her own room if she needs to (I wouldn’t want someone there who was going to wear themselves out and not be honest with us when they need a break).
We were kind of surprised when she told us she was going just because it’s expensive and she had to get a Chinese Visa, which is a process. It means so much to me that she wanted to be a part of her niece’s adoption that much. And I’m happy she will be with us for the touristy part of our trip on the front end so she can see some of China! And selfishly, I’m happy she will be able to help us document our family day a bit more- last time we ended up with one shaky iPhone video because we were so nervous and distracted.
Q: Are you as nervous as you were the first time?
A: Not even close! We’re really not even nervous at all. Just excited to meet our girl.
Q: How soon after you return home will your family get to meet Marigold?
A: Around two weeks.
Q: How did you know she was the one?
A: Our agency matched us (this is common in China adoptions). I received a phone call when I was working one day and they told me they had a file of a one year old girl with albinism. To be honest- we could have said yes without even looking at the file. It was so obvious to us that it was meant to be.
As I sat on the sofa with Jeremy looking at her photos and her medical report I said, “we can take a few days to think it over if we want”. I knew it was a yes from me immediately, but Jeremy is a more cautious, slow person than I am. He stood up and said, “There’s not really anything to think about. Just tell them yes.” (You can read the whole story of our match here and Nova’s match story here)
Q: What age is Marigold?
A: She will be seventeen months when we meet her.
Q: Do you plan to travel back to China later on with the girls?
A: Yes. Nova’s new Chinese visa will be good for ten years so I am thinking we’ll go back for a “for fun” trip sometime when they’re both a little older. China is such a huge country- there are so many more regions we’d like to explore in the future.
Links to other adoption posts:
Read Nova’s adoption story here.
If you’re curious about how to fund an adoption- click here.
If you want to know why we gave our children American names- read this post.
Curious how long China adoptions take- here you go.
And most importantly- a post about bonding.
Read Jeremy’s beautiful post about Nova’s adoption here- “Everyone Has A Plan”
Thank you so much for your love and support! xx
