We always knew we wanted to talk to our children about adoption from the beginning. And we have done that, but yesterday we noticed a hole in our dialogue. We realized that while we talk about adoption and how our family came together often, that we had been avoiding explaining to her how she grew in her Chinese mommy’s tummy. We realized that not fully explaining that was mostly based on our own fears and awkwardness, and that we wanted to face them and get it out in the open.
We talked about it during her nap time and as we were driving to dinner, Jeremy launched into it and we explained the whole thing to her starting with where babies come from. At three years old there’s definitely a lot she doesn’t catch, her response was just, “Yeah!”. It felt good to be open with her about her history, even though she’s too young to understand it fully. It felt right.
We’re thinking of making a book (I’ll probably just whip it up myself with paint and markers, nothing fancy) to explain her life before our family. I’m happy we’re taking small steps to share her story with her now so it doesn’t feel like a bombshell at any point in the future.
Our friend Meredith just posted about how an adoptive family is a triangle- equally the adoptee, the biological family and the adoptive family. I love this picture. Even though we may never get the chance to meet Nova’s biological family, we want to always honor them as a part of our family. I wish they could know how forever grateful we are for them and that they are welcomed and loved in our family.
In decades past I think the “adoption conversation” was thought of as one big, awkward conversation- sort of like the “sex talk”. But these days I feel like most adoptive families instead approach it as 100 tiny conversations, starting from a young age. It feels natural and healthy.
I’m most grateful for all the adoptees who have take the time to send me messages and emails about their experiences growing up in an adoptive family. Your perspective has been gold for us as we try to be the best parents to Nova we can- thank you.
*Photo from Joshua Tree National Park last week. We went there during our adoption wait for Nova and I planned to come back with her for a photo wearing white (my random little dreams like that tend to get very specific haha). Probably going to frame this one!
